I'm just going to put it out there: Veganism is my religion. By that I mean that being vegan holds a place of importance in my heart akin to religion. It's easy for me to say this with confidence because I have no other religion in my life. I do not believe in god, but I do believe in compassion. Religion gives us a moral code to live by, affects what we perceive to be the meaning of life, and (ideally) leaves us with a feeling of doing right by our heart or soul. Veganism does all of these things for me and holds a place as dear to me as religion does for most folks. I might even argue it holds an even dearer place than religion for many people. Plenty of religious people do not actively think about their beliefs perhaps more than once/day at most--I know when I was a Christian, I thought about Christianity maybe when I said a prayer at night or went to church or choir, or got into a discussion about religion, but that was about it. That's not to say there aren't also deeply devout people who do think about their religion more frequently, but I would argue that the average religious person maybe thinks about their religion about once per day on average. Veganism is something I think about every time I eat or drink something, which is at least 3 times per day, often more than that because I snack a lot :) Moreover, when I was a Christian, even when I thought about my religion it wasn't always because I was following it--sometimes I realized I did something other than "what Jesus would do," and I felt bad about it, or sometimes I knew full well I was about to do something that Jesus would not do, but I justified it and did it anyway. With veganism, it isn't like this--I don't even consider justifying eating a steak and then repenting later. I follow veganism truly and with sincere conviction.
I am not alone in viewing this lifestyle to be like a religion. Recently, a hospital employee in Cincinnati claimed religious discrimination in being fired over refusing a flu shot due to her vegan beliefs: http://www.law360.com/articles/405559/vegan-allowed-to-claim-religious-bias-in-flu-shot-firing
This is important legal stuff--that veganism can and should be given the same respect as a religious practice would. Which leads me to my point.
Since when would it be socially acceptable to suggest to a Catholic that they are forcing their lifestyle on their kids? Since when would it be socially acceptable to ask a Jewish person if they are going to let their child attend a Christian church service to see if they really want to be Jewish? Since when would it be socially acceptable to expect a Protestant to leave all religious decisions in their child's hands? And if a child did stray from the religion their parents raised them with, since when would it be socially acceptable to openly talk about how maybe it is for the better and that the parent should not be upset?
Let me be clear, I do want my kids to eventually make their own educated decisions on the matter of veganism and for them to follow their hearts. But when those decisions are not educated and are based only on not wanting to be made fun of, and when those decisions are made at a tender age, and when they are met with everyone else's blessing, and when zero attempt is made to at least choose more humane versions of nonvegan food (grass-fed organic milk or cage free eggs for example) to better keep with compassion towards animals, then no, I'm not ok with it. I'm understandably upset; I'm understandably angry at society for making us vegans out to be some freak show acts and having no problem teasing a child for a vegan lifestyle (again, if your child were making fun of someone for being Hindu, I think you'd have a problem with it, but many parents would just chuckle along with their kid if they talked about how silly their vegan classmate is and how they asked them, "don't you just want to eat a pizza?"). I'm understandably frustrated for all the ways that loved ones have undermined my lifestyle choices for my family. This is a parental and societal failure on my part, not a genuine coming-of-age-and-making-your-own-choices-and-expanding-your-horizons process. We're not talking about what outfits my tween wants to wear and me being too overprotective. We're talking about my tween going against my religious beliefs in to avoid being made fun of and to gain acceptance and convenience---were this any other "legitimate" religion, you'd at least empathize with the parent. So please let me at least mourn over this, what I feel to be a terrible decision with moral implications. Of course I love my child unconditionally and will always love her no matter what she chooses to eat. But that doesn't mean I agree that this is a wonderful change in her life. So let's not treat it so lightly, and please, if you are a loved one in our lives, respect my beliefs. You wouldn't, in front of his parents, offer a bible to a Jewish tween that had recently decided to start attending a Christian church against his parent's wishes, so don't offer my child pizza in front of me either, ok? If she asks for it, fine--but she is still a child after all. If you wouldn't let your 11 year old stop attending your church, then you should understand that my agreeing to her making her own decision to go against my cherished beliefs is already more allowance than you would give your 11 year old, so let's take this one small step at a time. Soon she'll be making all her decisions on her own, and she's already receiving plenty of messages from society that there is nothing wrong with using animals for food. In the meantime let's just agree to middle ground--if my child asks for nonvegan food it can be provided, but that doesn't mean it needs to be encouraged.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
7 Things No One Ever Tells You About Babies
I would like to just get these 7 things off my chest, because I hear SOOOOOO many moms (even in the AP community) shocked when they encounter some of them and/or posing questions about them in looking for "solutions" to their "problem." None of these are necessarily "problems." All of them are totally normal!! But our society does us moms a disservice for not disclosing them before we embark on the journey of motherhood. So consider this a full-disclosure in attempt to make up for the fact that no one ever tells you these things!!
1. Many babies hate the car. Being out of mama's arms, strapped in, and traveling at a high rate of speed is a very foreign experience for a new human, and it can be unsettling. If baby dislikes the car, chances are she will scream continually, especially at red lights, no matter what music you play, toys you offer, style of car seat you use, or anything else you can think of to make the journey more pleasant. The screaming will distract you a million times more than any texting while driving ever could. The good news is that as long as that screaming still bothers you, you have not lost sight of what Dr. Sears calls "Belief in the importance of baby's cries." This is important not to lose sight of because crying is all babies know how to do to communicate and we forge a profound bond with them by hearing them with our hearts and being as responsive as we can. Of course, this may be impossible when you're behind the wheel. How to deal with it, then? There's no good solution except time. Most babies will grow out of their hatred of the car within a year or two. Til then, try to keep car rides to a minimum (can daddy run out to get the groceries? can you optimize the times you are out to take the shortest route, with the least amount of lights and traffic? etc.), and see if there is a time of day that baby is less likely to disdain a car ride. A tired baby may eventually fall asleep instead of screaming, for example. And finally, if there are older siblings or a partner who can sit beside baby in the car seat, this may at least help baby feel she is not alone, and it's always better to be upset in someone's company than be upset and feel alone.
2. Babies expect to be held constantly. It is in their evolutionary nature. Primates keep their vulnerable young close at all times, and we humans are primates. Baby is not born knowing that he is perfectly safe in his bouncy seat. He is born expecting that if an adult is not with him, he is vulnerable to predators. He will then cry as a defense mechanism to try to get a human adult to hold him again in those arms he knows as "safe." Holding babies is good for their growth and development, and they basically never want to be put down before they are old enough to be mobile. How to do what you need to do, then? Baby carriers offer a win-win solution. Baby gets to be near you, and you have a hand or two free to do the things you need to do.
3. It is normal for babies to wake many times each night. Babies have tiny stomachs that need frequent refilling. They also have a desire for closeness (see point 2). For these reasons if they are alone and needing snuggles or hungry and needing nourishment, they will wake up. Babies' sleep cycles are completely different from adults', and this is a good thing. They are still learning how to regulate their breathing at night while slumbering, so frequent arousal helps them not to fall into too deep a sleep from which they cannot wake. How to get some shut-eye, then? Bring baby to bed with you or keep baby near your bed. You can then respond quickly when they awaken, and minimize disruption to your sleep. Also try to realize that it is not appropriate to expect independent sleep for long periods of time for at least the first year or two of life--it may happen on occasion but likely not consistently. Fear not, though--eventually they do learn to sleep through the night, and babies who are nurtured with close proximity to a caregiver at night learn that bedtime is not a scary time. Thus the bonus is well-adjusted children who do not resist bedtime and have learned to sleep like a log.
4. Diapers are a modern invention--babies can learn to go potty from day one. This is a subject for a whole different post in order to give it proper attention. But suffice to say that in most places of the world, diapers are not accessible and/or are a luxury item that not everyone can afford. How do you handle the output, then? You can, if you choose, hold baby over a potty of some sort and help them go to the bathroom. Over time you can also associate a sound or signal (such as sign language) with their elimination, and this will serve as a way both for you to communicate that you have them in position to go and for the baby to eventually communicate back to you a need to go. This technique, in the West, has thus fittingly been dubbed "elimination communication," but it has basically been a way of life for most humans across the globe for most of human history until the advent of the diaper. And even if you don't want to do infant potty training full time, you can choose to just do it part time--maybe even just once/day. And even if you don't do it at all, the take away message is: don't worry about it being "too soon" to introduce the potty in toddlerhood--there is no such thing as "too soon," assuming you are not being coercive in introducing it. Any gentle introduction to the potty at any time will help with eventual potty training, whenever that takes place.
5. Natural human weaning age is an average of 4 yrs. This may seem long by societal standards, but it has been studied anthropologically by Kathy Dettwyler. She found that the natural weaning age of humans is anywhere between 2.5 and 7 years of age, with 4 years being the average. It is unlikely that any baby under the age of 1 that appears to self-wean is actually doing so--typically other factors are involved such as a nursing strike, weaning onto a bottle, mother becoming pregnant, use of artificial nipples and/or bottles, etc. But nurslings will eventually self-wean when they outgrow the need, which is usually after a few years if there are no outside factors artificially changing the dynamics of the nursing relationship, like those mentioned above. Furthermore, the World Health Organization recommends a minimum of 2 years of breastfeeding. So what to do when you fret that your baby's getting too old to be nursing? Relax--it is natural and appropriate to breastfeed your baby for years rather than months.
6. Pumping is a poor gauge of milk supply but it can affect your milk supply. No pump in the world is as efficient as your baby. So if you feel worried that you don't seem able to pump a large quantity, this is not necessarily an indicator of poor supply. Most mothers are able to make enough milk to feed their young. And if you're worried there are other gauges that are more accurate: Is baby gaining good weight? Does she have enough wet and soiled diapers? I call these the input-output gauges--where there is output, there must have been input. In other words, if you see the effects of sufficient breastmilk, then you can deduce the cause: that you have a sufficient supply. But also beware, pumping can affect your milk supply if you pump a lot. This is precisely because a pump is not as efficient as a baby, and your body will make milk based on a supply-demand balance. If there is less "demand" because the pump isn't as efficient at "demanding" milk, then the supply may decrease as a result. How can you mitigate this, then? If you can get your supply well established in the first few months, before relying too much on pumped breastmilk to feed your baby, you will be less likely to suffer the worst detrimental effects of pumping on your supply. Plus if you can wait a few months, you are closer to the time when baby can also have solids for nourishment, so that if your supply takes a hit, baby can obtain calories from food, too.
7. If you become pregnant while nursing your baby, you can continue nursing, but you most likely will lose most, if not all, of your milk. While it is true that some women nurse through a pregnancy without suffering so much as a dip in milk supply, it is much more common for mom to suffer a significant or total loss of milk supply. Nursing may still be beneficial for bonding, and maintaining potential to tandem nurse after the new baby is born and milk returns, but if your nursling is very young when you become pregnant again, you must be aware that you may end up needing alternate food if your supply drops. This is NOT something you can usually do anything about! Unlike the supply-demand principle that rules during a typical breastfeeding relationship, once pregnancy hormones enter the equation, all bets are off, and the hormonal changes generally do not allow the supply-demand principle to hold. So increasing demand by nursing more often does not mean your supply will respond. Also typical lactogenic foods or supplements for increasing supply tend not work either. How to keep your nursling getting breastmilk, that perfect food, then? Well, if you can, it is better to space out pregnancies so that, at the very least, your nursling is well into solid foods before you become pregnant again (ie. not until your nursling is at least 9 months to a year old). This way if you do lose your milk, your nursling will be able to compensate with eating more foods, and you can keep nursing for comfort and bonding if you choose. Of course it's possible you didn't intend to become pregnant as soon as you find yourself pregnant again, and maybe your baby is still very young. If this is the case, you can still nurse your baby, but you may need to supplement partly or entirely so you should carefully monitor baby's weight gain and wet/soiled diapers, look for signs of dehydration, etc. If you need to supplement and you are committed to breastmilk for your baby, you can look into donor milk. If your baby will not take a bottle, you could try what is called a "supplemental nursing system" or SNS for short. This consists of a tube that is inserted beside your nipple as the baby nurses. The tube then goes to a pouch full of the supplement of your choice. This way the baby is still getting the natural feel of nursing but obtaining supplemental calories from donor milk or formula.
1. Many babies hate the car. Being out of mama's arms, strapped in, and traveling at a high rate of speed is a very foreign experience for a new human, and it can be unsettling. If baby dislikes the car, chances are she will scream continually, especially at red lights, no matter what music you play, toys you offer, style of car seat you use, or anything else you can think of to make the journey more pleasant. The screaming will distract you a million times more than any texting while driving ever could. The good news is that as long as that screaming still bothers you, you have not lost sight of what Dr. Sears calls "Belief in the importance of baby's cries." This is important not to lose sight of because crying is all babies know how to do to communicate and we forge a profound bond with them by hearing them with our hearts and being as responsive as we can. Of course, this may be impossible when you're behind the wheel. How to deal with it, then? There's no good solution except time. Most babies will grow out of their hatred of the car within a year or two. Til then, try to keep car rides to a minimum (can daddy run out to get the groceries? can you optimize the times you are out to take the shortest route, with the least amount of lights and traffic? etc.), and see if there is a time of day that baby is less likely to disdain a car ride. A tired baby may eventually fall asleep instead of screaming, for example. And finally, if there are older siblings or a partner who can sit beside baby in the car seat, this may at least help baby feel she is not alone, and it's always better to be upset in someone's company than be upset and feel alone.
2. Babies expect to be held constantly. It is in their evolutionary nature. Primates keep their vulnerable young close at all times, and we humans are primates. Baby is not born knowing that he is perfectly safe in his bouncy seat. He is born expecting that if an adult is not with him, he is vulnerable to predators. He will then cry as a defense mechanism to try to get a human adult to hold him again in those arms he knows as "safe." Holding babies is good for their growth and development, and they basically never want to be put down before they are old enough to be mobile. How to do what you need to do, then? Baby carriers offer a win-win solution. Baby gets to be near you, and you have a hand or two free to do the things you need to do.
3. It is normal for babies to wake many times each night. Babies have tiny stomachs that need frequent refilling. They also have a desire for closeness (see point 2). For these reasons if they are alone and needing snuggles or hungry and needing nourishment, they will wake up. Babies' sleep cycles are completely different from adults', and this is a good thing. They are still learning how to regulate their breathing at night while slumbering, so frequent arousal helps them not to fall into too deep a sleep from which they cannot wake. How to get some shut-eye, then? Bring baby to bed with you or keep baby near your bed. You can then respond quickly when they awaken, and minimize disruption to your sleep. Also try to realize that it is not appropriate to expect independent sleep for long periods of time for at least the first year or two of life--it may happen on occasion but likely not consistently. Fear not, though--eventually they do learn to sleep through the night, and babies who are nurtured with close proximity to a caregiver at night learn that bedtime is not a scary time. Thus the bonus is well-adjusted children who do not resist bedtime and have learned to sleep like a log.
4. Diapers are a modern invention--babies can learn to go potty from day one. This is a subject for a whole different post in order to give it proper attention. But suffice to say that in most places of the world, diapers are not accessible and/or are a luxury item that not everyone can afford. How do you handle the output, then? You can, if you choose, hold baby over a potty of some sort and help them go to the bathroom. Over time you can also associate a sound or signal (such as sign language) with their elimination, and this will serve as a way both for you to communicate that you have them in position to go and for the baby to eventually communicate back to you a need to go. This technique, in the West, has thus fittingly been dubbed "elimination communication," but it has basically been a way of life for most humans across the globe for most of human history until the advent of the diaper. And even if you don't want to do infant potty training full time, you can choose to just do it part time--maybe even just once/day. And even if you don't do it at all, the take away message is: don't worry about it being "too soon" to introduce the potty in toddlerhood--there is no such thing as "too soon," assuming you are not being coercive in introducing it. Any gentle introduction to the potty at any time will help with eventual potty training, whenever that takes place.
5. Natural human weaning age is an average of 4 yrs. This may seem long by societal standards, but it has been studied anthropologically by Kathy Dettwyler. She found that the natural weaning age of humans is anywhere between 2.5 and 7 years of age, with 4 years being the average. It is unlikely that any baby under the age of 1 that appears to self-wean is actually doing so--typically other factors are involved such as a nursing strike, weaning onto a bottle, mother becoming pregnant, use of artificial nipples and/or bottles, etc. But nurslings will eventually self-wean when they outgrow the need, which is usually after a few years if there are no outside factors artificially changing the dynamics of the nursing relationship, like those mentioned above. Furthermore, the World Health Organization recommends a minimum of 2 years of breastfeeding. So what to do when you fret that your baby's getting too old to be nursing? Relax--it is natural and appropriate to breastfeed your baby for years rather than months.
6. Pumping is a poor gauge of milk supply but it can affect your milk supply. No pump in the world is as efficient as your baby. So if you feel worried that you don't seem able to pump a large quantity, this is not necessarily an indicator of poor supply. Most mothers are able to make enough milk to feed their young. And if you're worried there are other gauges that are more accurate: Is baby gaining good weight? Does she have enough wet and soiled diapers? I call these the input-output gauges--where there is output, there must have been input. In other words, if you see the effects of sufficient breastmilk, then you can deduce the cause: that you have a sufficient supply. But also beware, pumping can affect your milk supply if you pump a lot. This is precisely because a pump is not as efficient as a baby, and your body will make milk based on a supply-demand balance. If there is less "demand" because the pump isn't as efficient at "demanding" milk, then the supply may decrease as a result. How can you mitigate this, then? If you can get your supply well established in the first few months, before relying too much on pumped breastmilk to feed your baby, you will be less likely to suffer the worst detrimental effects of pumping on your supply. Plus if you can wait a few months, you are closer to the time when baby can also have solids for nourishment, so that if your supply takes a hit, baby can obtain calories from food, too.
7. If you become pregnant while nursing your baby, you can continue nursing, but you most likely will lose most, if not all, of your milk. While it is true that some women nurse through a pregnancy without suffering so much as a dip in milk supply, it is much more common for mom to suffer a significant or total loss of milk supply. Nursing may still be beneficial for bonding, and maintaining potential to tandem nurse after the new baby is born and milk returns, but if your nursling is very young when you become pregnant again, you must be aware that you may end up needing alternate food if your supply drops. This is NOT something you can usually do anything about! Unlike the supply-demand principle that rules during a typical breastfeeding relationship, once pregnancy hormones enter the equation, all bets are off, and the hormonal changes generally do not allow the supply-demand principle to hold. So increasing demand by nursing more often does not mean your supply will respond. Also typical lactogenic foods or supplements for increasing supply tend not work either. How to keep your nursling getting breastmilk, that perfect food, then? Well, if you can, it is better to space out pregnancies so that, at the very least, your nursling is well into solid foods before you become pregnant again (ie. not until your nursling is at least 9 months to a year old). This way if you do lose your milk, your nursling will be able to compensate with eating more foods, and you can keep nursing for comfort and bonding if you choose. Of course it's possible you didn't intend to become pregnant as soon as you find yourself pregnant again, and maybe your baby is still very young. If this is the case, you can still nurse your baby, but you may need to supplement partly or entirely so you should carefully monitor baby's weight gain and wet/soiled diapers, look for signs of dehydration, etc. If you need to supplement and you are committed to breastmilk for your baby, you can look into donor milk. If your baby will not take a bottle, you could try what is called a "supplemental nursing system" or SNS for short. This consists of a tube that is inserted beside your nipple as the baby nurses. The tube then goes to a pouch full of the supplement of your choice. This way the baby is still getting the natural feel of nursing but obtaining supplemental calories from donor milk or formula.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Nighttime Nursing--A Blessing in Disguise?
With all the talk of tired parents of babies, anyone who decides to become a new parent should be aware that it can mean losing sleep. I have dealt with nightwaking, and I get that it's frustrating and exhausting. I get that it's hard to be rational when your sleep is being interrupted. In those moments, I feel irritated and incapable of thinking clearly. What I often fail to remember in those moments is how good I have it.
When I say I have dealt with nightwaking, I do not mean that I have trudged across the house in the middle of the night to calm a baby whose eyes are open and filled with tears. What I mean by "nightwaking" are those rare occasions when my baby can't seem to settle. He fusses, rolls around, finds his way to me, nurses with his eyes still closed, rolls away from me, but can't get back into a deep sleep and so he repeats the process, often crying a little in his sleep, apparently as frustrated as I am. This cycle can repeat for up to 30-60 minutes, during which time I go from mostly asleep to half asleep to mostly awake...*But* my feet never touch the floor and I never leave the warmth of the family bed that I share with my 16 month old....And eventually he settles back into a deep sleep and I shortly follow him into dreamland.
And these occurrences are rare! Of all three of my kids, my son is the only one for whom such unsettling occurred at all! And even for him, it only happens quite infrequently--maybe when he's getting a tooth or feeling ill or had an overstimulating or disruptive day. Almost always my nights with my babies have been very peaceful. Yes my 16 month old still nurses during the night, but what that means is that he latches on without ever opening his eyes, and half the time I don't open mine either. I'm only vaguely aware (consciously, that is...Dr. James McKenna's research has shown that, subconsciously, cosleeping nursing moms are keenly aware of their baby's presence) that he's even nursing. My sleep is more disrupted by a thunderstorm or a fire whistle than by the negligible disruption of nightnursing. It is so easy--seriously! And we both wake up well-rested.
Plus there are benefits for both baby and mama:
For mama: Nightnursing prolongs breastfeeding infertility, allowing moms help with childspacing so that they are less likely to become pregnant again too soon. Nightnursing burns more calories, so you literally shed your pregnancy weight in your sleep!
For baby: Nightnursing gives more opportunities for caloric intake, fostering good growth. Nightnursing also gives babies more fat-rich milk, good for brain development. In addition, nightnursing gives baby more chances to receive antibodies to help ward off illnesses.
For both: Nightnursing promotes bonding and good sleep for both mama and baby.
Now I would be remiss not to mention that I did nightwean my daughters--the first between 16 and 18 months old and the second around 2 years old. The first was due to the fact that I had become pregnant with her sister, and suddenly those hormonal changes made my nipples way more sensitive, so that I really wasn't only "vaguely aware" of her nightnursing--I was instead waking up fully and feeling very irritable from the nipple sensitivity. The second daughter was nightweaned when I started going back to school and was busy working on homework until late into the night and found I would sometimes pass out with her if I ran back to the family bed to nurse her back to sleep when she stirred, thus not completing my homework and falling behind in my classes. I can't say that nightweaning them wasn't without tears, but it's MUCH easier, in my opinion, to explain to a toddler: "honey, nursies need to rest and you need to rest too, we sleep when the sun is down, you need to sleep too. here is a sippy cup of water if you're thirsty then you need to get back to sleep." and offer some cuddles instead than it would have been to an infant who really could use the calories and doesn't understand what you're explaining anyway. Assuming I hadn't experienced pregnancy symptoms or a schedule that was at odds with nightnursing, I'm sure I would have allowed my girls the benefits until they naturally nightweaned on their own--that is my current plan with my son.
Finally, let me tell you something about time. It's sometimes hard to get a good perspective on time when you are constantly being asked if your baby is sleeping through the night, or feeling pressure to get your baby falling asleep independently. But by the time you have your third you start to realize something. You look at your 10 year old and your baby and you understand how quickly they go from infancy to being a tween. You realize how precious and fleeting this time is when they physically need you so intensely. And if this thought occurs to you in the wee hours of the night, you might find yourself deciding to open your eyes and glance down at the sweet innocent one contentedly nursing in his sleep. You might drink in the sight of him laying in the moonlight, stroking your hair and seeking nighttime comfort from you. You might remind yourself to commit this sight to memory and hold fast to it, because with another breath, he'll be a half-grown young man. Now is the time to cherish and savor these moments because tomorrow they'll be gone forever.
When I say I have dealt with nightwaking, I do not mean that I have trudged across the house in the middle of the night to calm a baby whose eyes are open and filled with tears. What I mean by "nightwaking" are those rare occasions when my baby can't seem to settle. He fusses, rolls around, finds his way to me, nurses with his eyes still closed, rolls away from me, but can't get back into a deep sleep and so he repeats the process, often crying a little in his sleep, apparently as frustrated as I am. This cycle can repeat for up to 30-60 minutes, during which time I go from mostly asleep to half asleep to mostly awake...*But* my feet never touch the floor and I never leave the warmth of the family bed that I share with my 16 month old....And eventually he settles back into a deep sleep and I shortly follow him into dreamland.
And these occurrences are rare! Of all three of my kids, my son is the only one for whom such unsettling occurred at all! And even for him, it only happens quite infrequently--maybe when he's getting a tooth or feeling ill or had an overstimulating or disruptive day. Almost always my nights with my babies have been very peaceful. Yes my 16 month old still nurses during the night, but what that means is that he latches on without ever opening his eyes, and half the time I don't open mine either. I'm only vaguely aware (consciously, that is...Dr. James McKenna's research has shown that, subconsciously, cosleeping nursing moms are keenly aware of their baby's presence) that he's even nursing. My sleep is more disrupted by a thunderstorm or a fire whistle than by the negligible disruption of nightnursing. It is so easy--seriously! And we both wake up well-rested.
Plus there are benefits for both baby and mama:
For mama: Nightnursing prolongs breastfeeding infertility, allowing moms help with childspacing so that they are less likely to become pregnant again too soon. Nightnursing burns more calories, so you literally shed your pregnancy weight in your sleep!
For baby: Nightnursing gives more opportunities for caloric intake, fostering good growth. Nightnursing also gives babies more fat-rich milk, good for brain development. In addition, nightnursing gives baby more chances to receive antibodies to help ward off illnesses.
For both: Nightnursing promotes bonding and good sleep for both mama and baby.
Now I would be remiss not to mention that I did nightwean my daughters--the first between 16 and 18 months old and the second around 2 years old. The first was due to the fact that I had become pregnant with her sister, and suddenly those hormonal changes made my nipples way more sensitive, so that I really wasn't only "vaguely aware" of her nightnursing--I was instead waking up fully and feeling very irritable from the nipple sensitivity. The second daughter was nightweaned when I started going back to school and was busy working on homework until late into the night and found I would sometimes pass out with her if I ran back to the family bed to nurse her back to sleep when she stirred, thus not completing my homework and falling behind in my classes. I can't say that nightweaning them wasn't without tears, but it's MUCH easier, in my opinion, to explain to a toddler: "honey, nursies need to rest and you need to rest too, we sleep when the sun is down, you need to sleep too. here is a sippy cup of water if you're thirsty then you need to get back to sleep." and offer some cuddles instead than it would have been to an infant who really could use the calories and doesn't understand what you're explaining anyway. Assuming I hadn't experienced pregnancy symptoms or a schedule that was at odds with nightnursing, I'm sure I would have allowed my girls the benefits until they naturally nightweaned on their own--that is my current plan with my son.
Finally, let me tell you something about time. It's sometimes hard to get a good perspective on time when you are constantly being asked if your baby is sleeping through the night, or feeling pressure to get your baby falling asleep independently. But by the time you have your third you start to realize something. You look at your 10 year old and your baby and you understand how quickly they go from infancy to being a tween. You realize how precious and fleeting this time is when they physically need you so intensely. And if this thought occurs to you in the wee hours of the night, you might find yourself deciding to open your eyes and glance down at the sweet innocent one contentedly nursing in his sleep. You might drink in the sight of him laying in the moonlight, stroking your hair and seeking nighttime comfort from you. You might remind yourself to commit this sight to memory and hold fast to it, because with another breath, he'll be a half-grown young man. Now is the time to cherish and savor these moments because tomorrow they'll be gone forever.
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