With all the talk of tired parents of babies, anyone who decides to become a new parent should be aware that it can mean losing sleep. I have dealt with nightwaking, and I get that it's frustrating and exhausting. I get that it's hard to be rational when your sleep is being interrupted. In those moments, I feel irritated and incapable of thinking clearly. What I often fail to remember in those moments is how good I have it.
When I say I have dealt with nightwaking, I do not mean that I have trudged across the house in the middle of the night to calm a baby whose eyes are open and filled with tears. What I mean by "nightwaking" are those rare occasions when my baby can't seem to settle. He fusses, rolls around, finds his way to me, nurses with his eyes still closed, rolls away from me, but can't get back into a deep sleep and so he repeats the process, often crying a little in his sleep, apparently as frustrated as I am. This cycle can repeat for up to 30-60 minutes, during which time I go from mostly asleep to half asleep to mostly awake...*But* my feet never touch the floor and I never leave the warmth of the family bed that I share with my 16 month old....And eventually he settles back into a deep sleep and I shortly follow him into dreamland.
And these occurrences are rare! Of all three of my kids, my son is the only one for whom such unsettling occurred at all! And even for him, it only happens quite infrequently--maybe when he's getting a tooth or feeling ill or had an overstimulating or disruptive day. Almost always my nights with my babies have been very peaceful. Yes my 16 month old still nurses during the night, but what that means is that he latches on without ever opening his eyes, and half the time I don't open mine either. I'm only vaguely aware (consciously, that is...Dr. James McKenna's research has shown that, subconsciously, cosleeping nursing moms are keenly aware of their baby's presence) that he's even nursing. My sleep is more disrupted by a thunderstorm or a fire whistle than by the negligible disruption of nightnursing. It is so easy--seriously! And we both wake up well-rested.
Plus there are benefits for both baby and mama:
For mama: Nightnursing prolongs breastfeeding infertility, allowing moms help with childspacing so that they are less likely to become pregnant again too soon. Nightnursing burns more calories, so you literally shed your pregnancy weight in your sleep!
For baby: Nightnursing gives more opportunities for caloric intake, fostering good growth. Nightnursing also gives babies more fat-rich milk, good for brain development. In addition, nightnursing gives baby more chances to receive antibodies to help ward off illnesses.
For both: Nightnursing promotes bonding and good sleep for both mama and baby.
Now I would be remiss not to mention that I did nightwean my daughters--the first between 16 and 18 months old and the second around 2 years old. The first was due to the fact that I had become pregnant with her sister, and suddenly those hormonal changes made my nipples way more sensitive, so that I really wasn't only "vaguely aware" of her nightnursing--I was instead waking up fully and feeling very irritable from the nipple sensitivity. The second daughter was nightweaned when I started going back to school and was busy working on homework until late into the night and found I would sometimes pass out with her if I ran back to the family bed to nurse her back to sleep when she stirred, thus not completing my homework and falling behind in my classes. I can't say that nightweaning them wasn't without tears, but it's MUCH easier, in my opinion, to explain to a toddler: "honey, nursies need to rest and you need to rest too, we sleep when the sun is down, you need to sleep too. here is a sippy cup of water if you're thirsty then you need to get back to sleep." and offer some cuddles instead than it would have been to an infant who really could use the calories and doesn't understand what you're explaining anyway. Assuming I hadn't experienced pregnancy symptoms or a schedule that was at odds with nightnursing, I'm sure I would have allowed my girls the benefits until they naturally nightweaned on their own--that is my current plan with my son.
Finally, let me tell you something about time. It's sometimes hard to get a good perspective on time when you are constantly being asked if your baby is sleeping through the night, or feeling pressure to get your baby falling asleep independently. But by the time you have your third you start to realize something. You look at your 10 year old and your baby and you understand how quickly they go from infancy to being a tween. You realize how precious and fleeting this time is when they physically need you so intensely. And if this thought occurs to you in the wee hours of the night, you might find yourself deciding to open your eyes and glance down at the sweet innocent one contentedly nursing in his sleep. You might drink in the sight of him laying in the moonlight, stroking your hair and seeking nighttime comfort from you. You might remind yourself to commit this sight to memory and hold fast to it, because with another breath, he'll be a half-grown young man. Now is the time to cherish and savor these moments because tomorrow they'll be gone forever.
